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The esteemed Crank o' the Day for 2017 May 27:

parody Beating Masturbation 2004 May 23
     ... religion ...
"Caleb, my husband, and I have written the following steps and advice to help you overcome the sinful, hellbound practice of masturbation, also known as 'whacking off', 'jerking off', ' choking the chicken', 'wanking', 'flinging', 'spanking the monkey' and other sinful slang terms. You can be cured of the sinful practice of masturbation. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine to submit yourself completely to God and decide that you must stop now to avoid going to Hell."

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Last update 2017 May 27
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